Challenges Of A Headstrong Almost 2 Year Old

So this blog was supposed to be an avenue for me to share my feelings during my experience as a new father. I guess I have been coasting along thinking the ups & downs were normal in the cycle of childhood development. Now two weeks before Elliot celebrates his 2nd birthday I am struggling with my desire to make my family happy and a smart, headstrong toddler who knows what he wants. It broke my heart tonight when I heard Elliot's demeanor changes when I drop him off from when Jill drops him off at daycare. I know that I am not being a good parent if I raise Elliot up to be a spoiled brat so I am doing my best to raise him right. I'm glad I have Jill here to help me through this.

Another event that has a lot of emotions welling up in me is the imminent birth of our daughter. She is due on August 20th but since Elliot was born 6 weeks early she can come anytime. Of course I am excited to see her and hold her and watch her grow and develop. However there is the normal anxieties that come with being a parent and being able to provide for my family in every capacity. Again I know with Jill's support we can raise wonderful children.

Speaking of wonderful children, Simon is in the summer before his 1st grade year and he is a full on boy. To watch him learn how to read & write during kindergarten has been a great source of joy. Of course there are challenges as well but at least with Simon we can have a two way conversation. I know he is going to be a big help in raising his brother & sister.

Well I am very lucky to have such a wonderful family and I know that with all these struggles we will all be better people. Also I don't want anyone to think that it's all struggles & hardship. Seeing Elliot light up when he sees me when he gets home and hearing the excitement in Simon's voice when he shares the highlights of his day make everything worthwhile.

Father's Day. A New Perspective.

So, yesterday was Father's Day and it was my first as a biological parent. It was definitely a great day to reflect on the past year and the changes I've seen in Elliot. He is now crawling around like a pro, pulling himself up on everything and getting into all sorts of mischief. He is also learning signs and even starting to learn new words & sounds. In fact mom just taught him "uh oh". We have also learned that he LOVES food even the things we like to eat. The other day Jill fed him red pepper hummus and he couldn't get enough. Unfortunately along with all the fun & good first come the firsts you never want to experience. A couple weeks ago we had to take Elliot to the ER because of high fevers and rapid breathing. It was so frustrating as a father to not be able to provide any relief for his pain & discomfort. Luckily it wasn't anything too serious (a double ear infection) and he was soon on the road to recovery. But the other firsts help me to forget the painful ones. Like the time Jill told me he was patting the area I sleep in and was saying "da da da da". Or how every day when I come home from work he will not let me do anything else until I hold him and love on him.

I would not be a good father if I didn't also talk about Simon and how things have changed with him. Simon has sensory issues and we have learned better how to deal with them. One of the casualties of this condition is not being able to go to movies in theaters. Simon is afraid that the movies are too loud even if we put ear plugs in his ears. With Cars 2 coming out this month Simon is now ready to go try the movie theater again. Another discovery we have made is that he monthly suffering of joint pains, in his legs, headaches & stomach aches are a genetic disorder so it should be something we can manage. For a long time the doctors could not come up with anything and that left us feeling confused and concerned. Now we at least have confirmation we are not going crazy. Hopefully with this knowledge we can treat the symptoms and have an idea of when to expect them to happen. Finally another sign of progress is how he is riding a two wheel bike with training wheels. Before we could not get him to even consider riding a two wheel bike. Now everyday when he comes home from school it's all he wants to do. I am lucky to be a part of Simon's life and experience his growth. A sign that he is happy to have me in his life is when Jill told me Simon wants to call me "daddy" now. I could have died happy after she told me that and it melts my heart to hear him refer to me as "daddy".

I am so blessed to be a part of the fraternity that is fatherhood. It has helped me to grow in so many ways. I get to see things through the perspective of a child again. I am certainly more selfless since I have to put the needs of my children above my own wants. And I especially get to be a part of unconditional love. So now that I have experience my first Father's Day as a biological father I am so greatful for the firsts I have experience with Elliot and Simon and look forward to the many more firsts we will experience.

The Reluctant Blogger: Trains, Ferries and Taxis... Otherwise Known as Ou...

The Reluctant Blogger: Trains, Ferries and Taxis... Otherwise Known as Ou...: "I have a four year old boy. And what do four year old boys love? TRAINS! I've been promising Simon a trip on a real train ..."

New Title

That's right. I am no longer a stay-at-home dad. As of January 7th I once again joined the ranks of the employed. Now I am just a regular dad. Having a job to go to every day has definitely felt great and is going to help our current financial situation. The downside is now I only get to see the boys for about an hour or two before they go to bed. This has helped me appreciate two things. First, I look forward to holding Elliot and playing with Simon where sometimes in the past I would count down the minutes until bed time. Second, I can now sympathize with Jill and how it has been for her since she went back to work after her maternity leave. I also appreciate the fact she has stuck with me through this "year of discontent". It is one of the reasons I married her in the first place.

Now that I have my new title we have also had to change roles to help the family continue to run as smoothly as possible. Whereas before I took on most of the domestic duties we are sharing the responsibility. I'm glad that we understand that we are both working parents and just need to pitch in where we can. It has really helped this transition happen without too much stress. Oh wait. Was I supposed to walk the dog? Kidding!

I am definitely grateful for the time I have had to bond with Elliot during the past 5 months. This is an opportunity most fathers do not have. I will always cherish it. Watching him develop so quickly has helped me to realize the couple hours I have with him at night are important. I'm realizing that same thing with Simon as well. He has been talking a lot about letters & words lately and Jill told me that later today he was doing a great job sounding out words in a book! He'll be reading before we know it! I think that's the reward of being a parent. Being able to watch something you created grow from a little peanut into a little human being. I missed the early stages with Simon so it's fun to see that in Elliot.

During my life I have had many titles. Son. Student. Mister. Staff Accountant. Assistant Controller. Husband. I am just glad that I had a few months to be a stay-at-home dad.

Cha Cha Cha Changes

Well Elliot is now 4 months old and growing like a weed. Jill and I look back at photos of when he was first born and wonder how he was ever so little. Along with growing in size Elliot has been learning how to do new things. He is definitely learning how to "communicate" with his grunts and mews. Just today I noticed he learned how to make motorboat noises. He also is learning how to use his hands and grab things. It's fun to see this development.
Along with these developments we have had to learn to adapt to his growth. Early on Elliot only seemed to eat, cry and sleep. When we went in for Elliot's two month check up Jill asked if this was due to a milk allergy and the doctor confirmed that could be the issue. Since then Jill has had to give up dairy and Elliot's demeanor changed immediately. I applaud Jill for making the sacrifice on Elliot's behalf.
Another thing we have noticed is how different Elliot is from Simon. This is partially due to Elliot being 4 weeks early but it's also because he's his own person. Jill told me Simon LOVED his swing but Elliot would rather be in the car seat or on his play mat. We also discovered Elliot likes to be upright so we are looking to get an excersaucer so he can stand up and play. One similarity we would rather not have had is they do not like being backward facing in the car. Elliot can be rocked to sleep in his car seat in the house but as soon as we start driving in the car he will cry until the stops again. Unfortunately this is one puzzle we have not been able to solve and has changed how we run errands.
Overall looking back at the changes in Elliot over the past four months have been positive. He is a healthy, active 4 month old that has the most contagious full face smile. He is very interested in what his brother is doing and I can see that he'll be trying to keep up with him sooner than we'll be ready for. I am so grateful for the joy this little man has brought into our life and look forward to watching him continue to grow up over the years and am prepared to adapt to help him grow up to be the best person he can be.

History Lesson/Making It Work

            I thought before I continued on in my new adventures I should explain the title of my blog. The reason I didn't call myself a first time father is because I have been blessed to have Simon in my life. He is Jill's first son from her previous marriage and I am lucky he is in my life. Having him a part of our family has helped me prepare for the toddler years and learn more about Jill's parenting style before I committed to this relationship. Needless to say after meeting Simon and getting to know him I was impressed with how well Jill raised him. I have heard many compliments given to Jill about how well behaved Simon is and what a wonderful person he is. I have to echo these people's praises as I am able to see what a great little man Simon is and how he is developing and I am grateful Jill trusts me enough to join her in molding Simon to be a productive & positive member of our society.
          Another reason Simon is developing positively is due to his father, David. I have been in other relationships where the ex is either non-existent or bitter. I am so grateful that David is committed to being in his son's life no matter what and being able to accept me and my family into his to help accomplish this goal. I remember the first time we spent time together for more than a few minutes when we dropped Simon off or picked him up. It was 4th of July, 2009. I have to admit I was a little skeptical because of my previous experiences but seeing how he related with Simon, Jill & my parents I was elated we actually had a good thing going. I have heard it said "it takes a village to raise a child" and I am living proof of that adage. Having David in our lives has really helped to make Simon who he is.
        Having David be a part of Simon's life has also been a positive effect on Elliot's life. He has been understanding when Elliot was born and we wanted to have Simon around to bond with him but he and his extended family have given Elliot gifts. I also know that as Elliot is older and wants to go with Simon to David's that he will be willing to watch him too. I really feel that the more people we have in our lives that love our children and have a positive effect on them is better for the development of our boys and all of our lives.
      I am so glad that when Jill became a part of my life she brought Simon with her. He has not only helped me learn how to be a father but how to be a better person. I know I have to be a good husband and father because my family has already told me that if anything happened to cause Jill and I to split they would take her and Simon (and now Elliot) over me. However I know that will never happen because my love for all of them is so strong and continues to grow every day. Thanks again Simon for letting me learn with you.

Starting A Blog & Releasing My Thoughts

So it has been 10 weeks since my first son, Elliot, was born and of course I have had a range of emotions and posting them on Twitter and Facebook has only left me wanting to expand and the next logical step was setting up a blog. Now here we are. I also thought by posting my experiences other people could learn from my experiences or at least be entertained by them. I should start this process out by beginning in December 2009. The first Friday of the month I found out I had been laid off from my job as a Production Accountant for a direct advertising business. Of course this left me shaken as this was the first time my employment had not been ended by my decision. While I was coming to terms with this life change my then fiance, Jill, gave me an early Christmas gift. It was a pregnancy test with a positive reading. I was very excited about becoming a father for the first time but my recent lay off also had me concerned. However I have always come from the school of thought that everything happens for a reason and everything will work out in the end. Since that time Jill and I were married and Simon, her now 4 year old son, Jill and I "officially" became a family, Elliot entered the world (on my birthday!), we have moved into my parent's basement since I am still unemployed and Jill has returned to work. Like I said a roller coaster of emotions. I am so grateful I have this time to spend with Elliot as I continue to look for new work. Not a lot of men are able to watch their children develop in the early stages of life. I am one of the lucky ones. Just seeing personality begin melts my heart. I know I could go on for a long time but for now I will wrap it up and save some of this for future blogs. In conclusion I just want to say how I am enjoying my life experience and appreciate all of those in my life who have helped me become the person I am today. I especially want to thank my wonderful wife, Jill, who really understands me and loves me for who I am and I want her to know I feel the same way. Until next time I want to pass on advice I learned from Afrika Bambaataa many years ago, "peace, unity, love and having fun".